Book:
How to win friends and Influence people Author: Dale Carnegie

Subject Area: Communication

Post number: 5

English version:

How to change people without giving offence or arousing resentments

Lesson 1: When you must find fault, begin with a praise.. When you must blame, follow the dentist approach. Begin with the pain killer.

Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

Lesson 2: Don't use contradictory or negative statements between the praise and the criticism.. Instead of using words like But, try to change it by using neutral words like "and". Especially for sensitive people, it is much better to use indirect criticism rather than blunt ones. Inspire people to lead by example. (And you lead by example too..)

Call attention to people's mistake indirectly.

Lesson 3: Talk about your own experiences and road block before you criticize. That will make them take the message a lot easier.

Talk about you own mistakes before criticizing the other person

Lesson 4: Never give orders. Always give suggestions. Instead of pushing people, explain to them the necessity.

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Lesson 5: Even when criticizing, always let the other person saving face. Even if we are right, criticizing the other person directly will only crush their ego and cause resentment.

Let the other person save face.

Lesson 6: Always emphasize improvements. People react better to improvements than criticizing failures. Praise is the warm sunshine on which human minds grow. The cold wind of criticism does not help much.

Bland flattery like "you are good" doesn't help! It falls flat and doesn't count as praise. Real appreciation is more specific telling why and what made them get the praise.

Praise even the slightest improvement! In fact lavish praise!

Lesson 7: If you want to improve a person in certain aspect, act as though that particular trait already exists in them. "Assume a virtue.. If you have it not" – William Shakespeare.

Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Lesson 8: Make it seem easy to fix the failure. That will motivate people.

Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct

Lesson 9: Forget about your own benefits for a moment and consider the benefits to the other person. Know exactly what you want them to do. Be empathetic and ask yourself what the other person wants to do. Now match the benefits of what you want them to do to what they want to do. And when telling them, convey it in such a manner that it is personally beneficial to them.

Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

Summarizing,

1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
   
2. Call attention to people's mistake indirectly
   
3. Talk about you own mistakes before criticizing the other person
   
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
   
5. Let the other person save face
   
6. Praise even the slightest improvement! In fact lavish praise
   
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
   
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
   
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest
   

Book 1 Review Complete. Now in the next few posts let's see how to implement it in life and what they exactly mean before we jump to the next book.