Dale Carnegie - How to win friends and influence people -part 5

Posted by Dinesh C On 04 - 23 - 2009

How to change people without giving offence or arousing resentments

Dale Carnegie - How to win friends and influence people -part 4

Posted by Dinesh C On 04 - 22 - 2009

How to win people to your way of thinking! (2)

Dale Carnegie - How to win friends and influence people -part 3

Posted by Dinesh C On 04 - 21 - 2009

How to win people to your way of thinking! (1)

Dale Carnegie - How to win friends and influence people -part 2

Posted by Dinesh C On 04 - 20 - 2009

6 ways to make people like you!

Dale Carnegie - How to win friends and influence people -part 1

Posted by Dinesh C On 04 - 19 - 2009

Fundamental techniques

Self Study – Book 2 (4)

Posted by Dinesh Chandar On 7:05 PM 0 comments

Book: 80/20 Principle: The Secret of achieving more with less
Subject Area: Productivity & Effectiveness
Post number: 8
English version:

Personal Achievement & happiness!

80% of out achievement and happiness come from 20% of time. So, the basic rule is you identify, expand, maximize and try to improve upon this 20%.

First, determine your ambition level and your level of achievement you need. Rank them on a scale of 1 to 3. Identify which box you fit into. The key to improve is first to identify where you stand, what you are, and where you want to get to.

Do not do things you are not so good in doing. Do not do things that others ask you to do (unless it is your boss!) Minimise the obligations others impose on you. Instead focus on and maximize things you do best.

The Village theory: We all have the option to form a lot of relationships. But, most of us have set number of slots to form close relationships. This evolved as through history, humanity mostly lived in a close set of people. We need to make sure, we identify the right people to fill those slots and improve them.

As much important as it is to identify the right "Better Half", It is also important to identify a set of mentors – People who can help you, and a set of mentees – where you are the mentor. Trust, Mutual enjoyment and benefit and reciprocity are the base lines for building these. For both personal and professional relations, fewer and deeper is better than larger and shallow. After all, the deep well still has water when the shallow pond dries up!

The world we live is a winner take-all world. This is especially true in the current age when popularity snowballs tremendously. The Top star receives more money than the next 5 people combined in his line of work. The imbalance – pareto effect is very pronounced.

Hard working is good. Being Intelligent is better. Being Intelligent and Hardworking makes you the perfect "Get the work done" guy. Being Intelligent and lazy makes you the leading star! Identify the Hardworking stupid guy and fire him. Keep the lazy stupid for amusement. Hire the Hardworking, intelligent guy to get the work done!

I think Indians – as a society- have a problem here. Indian generals are still known for leading their men in battle. While certainly it provides inspiration, it did not bode well for us in the battle! Strategy and overall objective is much more important than vain ego disguised as honour.

In a professional level, always try to specialize than generalize your skills. The old adage "It is better to be a master of one trade than a jack of all" still applies! Identify your niche. Work towards specializing in that and becoming an acknowledged leader. Become self-employed early and use contractors to do all but your core skills! Identify the 20% of effort that gives the 80% of the result! Work on that.

A piece of advice for investment guys. As a golden rule, If a share goes 15% below what you paid for it, Sell it. Even if it starts going up after that, wait for at least a week or more to watch the trend, before you buy it back.

Being Happy is not an impossible art. Scientist recently have found that people are usually born with a set level of happiness and tend to migrate towards it! Having said that, Genes do not decide everything. Your genes even allow murder! That does not mean you can do it! We are blessed with a conscious mind and rationality that can override what "GOD" or "GENES" wrote for us!

Identify the time you were happy. Identify the person who made you happy. Identify the event that made you happy. Identify the achievement that made you happy. Work on those. Try to expand the time spent on those activities/person/events.

Optimism and Hope have never been wrong. A positive attitude and optimistic bent – may have lead Columbus down the wrong path – but he still found something! After all, It is better to die sooner and happier that to live longer and sad! Fortunately, it is also scientifically proven that happy and optimistic people –generally -live longer and healthier – as their stress levels are much lower than cynical people!

It is not too late to change. Identify the causes of depression. The endless depression cycle that we talk/think ourself into. Know it does not have to be that. YOU can change it. Develop a sense of self-worth. The core part of you that no one /nothing can change or touch. Build on that. Don't fall into the snake pit. Avoid Rush hour traffic – if that causes you stress. Change your lifestyle to suit you!

If you find yourself, too deep in the pits of depression, follow the following 7 steps to climb out. Normal people too- can (and should!) follow these to focus on their happiness more! Do Exercise. Physical Exercise. Stimulate your mind. Do something that requires active thinking on your part. Writing an article, Learning something new. Have some time for spiritual/artistic stimulation or learn to meditate. Do a good thing to someone. Out of pure kindness! Take some time off with some friends. Stop worrying and have some good time. Treat and congratulate yourself on every small success!

Happiness is a duty! By being happy, not only do we properly take care of our own health, we make people we encounter happy too. Being happy is a responsibility that each of us have to hold ourselves upto!

As conclusion, the 80/20 theory does NOT recommend inequality! But merely acknowledges it and finds ways to use it to our benefit.

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Self Study – Book 2 (3)

Posted by Dinesh Chandar On 8:08 PM 0 comments
Book: 80/20 Principle: The Secret of achieving more with less
Subject Area: Productivity & Effectiveness
Post number: 7
English version:

The top 10 business application of the Pareto Law.

Decision Making and analysis

Business requires decisions. Fast and frequent. Analysis in the current corporate world. Large organisations currently have too much analysis, but still lack strategic data access. Only a few vital data requires analysis. Gather 80% of the data (Which can be usually done in 20% of the time) and perform 80% of relevant analysis, and make a decision 100% and act on it confidently 100% of the time!

Inventory Management

Cut down radically on the 80% of not too profitable stock build up!

Project Management

Management structures usually destroy more value than they add! Simplify the task. A project usually involves a large number of small tasks/projects. Impose an impossible time scale. This will make sure the team focuses on the high value tasks! Plan before you act! A large proportion of time should be allocated to detailed planning and thinking. Design before you implement!

Negotiation

Few points in negotiation really matter! Dont peak too early!

The rest include Strategy, Quality, Cost reduction and service improvement, Marketing, Selling and Information Technology.

The Vital few provide the MOST success.

A few things are always much more important than the rest!
Progress means moving resources from low value to high value cases! Spend your time on the high value area. Time, after all is the most valuable resource for a person!

A few people add most of the value. Margins vary wildly! Resources are always misallocated to the low value stuff! Success is underrated and under recognized. Usually it is classified as luck. It is just feedback loops we have not identified yet! Equilibrium is illusionary! Nothing lasts forever! The Biggest wins start small!

STOP THINKING 50/50. Things do not have equal input and output!

In the next post, we will look at how we can apply this principle in our personal life.
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Self Study – Book 2 (2)

Posted by Dinesh Chandar On 7:07 PM 0 comments
Book: 80/20 Principle: The Secret of achieving more with less
Subject Area: Productivity & Effectiveness
Post number: 6

English version:


The 80/20 Principle states that there is a inbuilt imbalance between causes and effects. A Majority has a small impact and a small minority has a major and dominant impact. Out of 100% of the population, 20% of it will cause the 80% of criminal trouble. 20% of the medicines make 80% of the profit in the Pharmaceutical industry.

As a side note, another major impact of these small major events is documented by noted Researcher Nassim Nicholas Taleb in his book “The Black Swan”. He makes some interesting derivatives out of this extrapolation of thee Pareto principle on the issue of economy. Many people like to get small profits over time than a huge one time profit. And on the reverse They prefer losing money in a bulk that in small decrements.

Based on the 80/20 principle, one must learn to celebrate exceptional performance, rather than raise average efforts! Be Selective, Not exhaustive and focus your effort on the few things that you think you should excel.

The First instance of 80/20 principle applied to corporate success is in revolutionizing Data Quality. Usually 20% of the problems cause 80% of quality issues. The Reason 80/20 principle works best in business is because in effect it is possible to generate 80 percent of the profit with 20 percent of the expenditure!

The Art of 80/20 is not to control the output. But rather to watch and observe which way the wind is blowing and utilise it to our maximum benefit. It requires 80/20 Analysis (Analysing the actual facts and data) and 80/20 Thinking (Assuming the existence of the principle in any realm and acting accordingly).

Identify the product, customer, market segment and the competitive segment that the company makes the most profit. That is part of the core 20% of the company that is driving 80% of the profits. Usually competitive segment is identified by knowing the major competitor to the product! If a product has a different competitor in the market, then it belongs in its own competitive segment.

Customer profitability is the next thing. Two customers who give the same amount of business might still drive different profitability. One of them might be too demanding and exhaustive on the resources driving your profit margin low. Prioritizing and allocating resources to the customer who makes the most profit margin is essential!

The next application of the pareto law reveals that simple is beautiful and beneficial. Complex is ugly and just causes overhead. Because usually the 20% of the core business in simple, while the remaining 80% of it is unnecessarily complex, has a lot of managerial positions and is a waste of resources! Simple doesn’t NOT mean small! But unfortunately, Big tends to get ccomplex and requires conscious effort to keep it simple! In a corporation, there is always a war. The war between the trivial many and the vital few. Be Selective. Not everything has the same importance.

Marketing efforts should be focussed on the top 20% of the products. Service should be focussed on the top 20% of the customers. (Both decided based on profitability! Not on sheer volume). Always keep the core customers happy.

Lets look at the top 10 corporate uses of the Pareto principle in the next post.
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Self Study – Book 2 (1)

Posted by Dinesh Chandar On 9:08 PM 0 comments

Book:
80/20 Principle: The Secret of achieving more with less

Subject Area: Productivity & Effectiveness

Post number: 5

English version:

 

Principle of Least effort - The 80/20 Principle – Pareto principle – Law of the vital few: Names are different, but the principle is the same! It basically states that for a majority of the events – both corporate and personal – 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort.

The greatest myth in the world is to believe in equality. If you still do, Good luck. The universe itself is imbalanced. 99.9999% of matter is found in .00001% space. (Clusted un stars and planets.. the remaining space virtually contain no matter). 82.7% of the worlds income goes to the richest 20% (Survey 1989). 80% of a company’s profit comes from 20% of the products/customers/segment etc;

This law also applies on a personal level. 80% of your disputes with your better half come from 20% of cuaases. Why do psychologist emphasize on the first 20 years of life more while a typical human life span is around 100? Why do the early 20 years have an unequal impact and importance on the rest?

This also applies to Machines. The IC engine (Internal Combustion) wastes 80% of the fuel for combustion and uses the remaining 20% to power the actual drive! Computers are made faster by tuning it to run the most frequently run 20% of the code (e.g.: RISC).

While the ratio 80:20 is note literal (though it is in most cases), the imbalance does exist in some form. 60:40, 99.9:0.1 etc;

The initial discovery of this principle was made in wealth distribution by an Italian economist Pareto. He found that 80% of the wealth was accumulated by 20% of the population. He was surprised to validate his theory across countries across time.  He proposed the systematic and predictable lack of balance as the Pareto Principle.

So why is this law of so much importance? Because it is counter intuitive. Counter educational. We have all been taught that equal efforts should reap equal benefits. But that obviously is not the case. Not all customers are equal. Not all products are equal. Not each day we spend has the same significance. (Think of the day you spent on your public examination vs. your last Sunday when you were rolling in the bed.. Now which one had a greater impact in your life?)

The Point we miss is called feedback loop. In real life, everything is connected. Positive and negative feedback loops run amok. A day started with spilt milk leads to more and more stress. A slight initial advantage disproportionally affects the outcome.

What this means is that, Resources with major effects should be utilized more. Intermediate resources should be pressed to be more productive and weak resources are developed so that they mimic the action of stronger resources.

The Pareto theory, after all plugs-in with the Chaos theory – There is imbalance. But predictable imbalance.  Same as the Chaos theory that says certain characteristic patterns re-occur – albeit with infinite and unpredictable variety!




p.s: Please note this is just a short condensed review / my thoughts of the book and is not intended to infringe on any rights or anything like that. For a complete understanding of the subject, I strongly recommend to buy the book yourself or rent it out from a library and read it.

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Implementing Dale Carnegie!

Posted by Dinesh Chandar On 3:32 PM 1 comments
Ok, Now that I have studied and reviewed and blogged the whole book, how about implementing it?

When someone told me MBA is a philosophy. I laughed. Now, I understand! This is the stuff that they should have taught us in school! Not some meaningless technicalities!

The first question that came to my mind was.. Am I manipulating people here somehow? Is all this a bit selfish? Well, Imagine a woman who is asking you $500. Would you give her? Now if that woman was your mother or sister? See the point. I dont think we get the definition of selfishness right. Selfishness is not doing things for yourself. Selfishness is doing things ONLY for yourself.

As the Author repeatedly emphasizes, showing real concern and real care matters a lot. You might get a bit with fake praise (flattery) and fake concern, but anything fake just like fake currency eventually gets caught and is jailed! Show real care. That doesnot mean you need to worry about the other person's financial problems all night. It means, when you talk with him, you spend time for him to think about the situation from his point of view and not be selfish. All it takes is an extra minute! (And following up on what you promise to him)

For me, personally the biggest problem has been "Caring for other people". I am so emotionaly distant usually, that it is tough for me. I still get a creepy feeling that I am manipulating them when i do some of this. I guess, I just have to keep practicing and not give up.

I never had a problem with criticism. I almost never criticize, and when i do, i honey coat it. My problem was else where. Praising people! appreciating them and showing concern for them! Well, I have started of with praising people immediately whenever they did something efficient/fast/better. Yes, I still have to fight with my own reservations to do it. I never praised people before, much less care for them! I used to openly proclaim that I dont give a damn! Now all that is gotta change. (I hope blogging my experiences will help me achieve this. Accountability to the unseen force and all that ;) )

And some of the other stuff the book mentions reminds me of spirituality. It comes down to knowing yourself. Once you know what you are, you are no more on a shaky ground. You have more confidence. After all only you can judge yourself on what you CAN do and not what you DID. Once we are sure of ourselves, we can easily project that to the world. Not get jumpy and not react to every thing impulsively.

And I must remind myself to read my posts atleast once a month, so I dont wander off course!

It is a long way from here! The hardest journeys are the best! arent they!
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Self Study – (5)

Posted by Dinesh Chandar On 8:08 PM 1 comments

Book:
How to win friends and Influence people Author: Dale Carnegie

Subject Area: Communication

Post number: 5

English version:

How to change people without giving offence or arousing resentments

Lesson 1: When you must find fault, begin with a praise.. When you must blame, follow the dentist approach. Begin with the pain killer.

Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

Lesson 2: Don't use contradictory or negative statements between the praise and the criticism.. Instead of using words like But, try to change it by using neutral words like "and". Especially for sensitive people, it is much better to use indirect criticism rather than blunt ones. Inspire people to lead by example. (And you lead by example too..)

Call attention to people's mistake indirectly.

Lesson 3: Talk about your own experiences and road block before you criticize. That will make them take the message a lot easier.

Talk about you own mistakes before criticizing the other person

Lesson 4: Never give orders. Always give suggestions. Instead of pushing people, explain to them the necessity.

Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Lesson 5: Even when criticizing, always let the other person saving face. Even if we are right, criticizing the other person directly will only crush their ego and cause resentment.

Let the other person save face.

Lesson 6: Always emphasize improvements. People react better to improvements than criticizing failures. Praise is the warm sunshine on which human minds grow. The cold wind of criticism does not help much.

Bland flattery like "you are good" doesn't help! It falls flat and doesn't count as praise. Real appreciation is more specific telling why and what made them get the praise.

Praise even the slightest improvement! In fact lavish praise!

Lesson 7: If you want to improve a person in certain aspect, act as though that particular trait already exists in them. "Assume a virtue.. If you have it not" – William Shakespeare.

Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Lesson 8: Make it seem easy to fix the failure. That will motivate people.

Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct

Lesson 9: Forget about your own benefits for a moment and consider the benefits to the other person. Know exactly what you want them to do. Be empathetic and ask yourself what the other person wants to do. Now match the benefits of what you want them to do to what they want to do. And when telling them, convey it in such a manner that it is personally beneficial to them.

Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest

Summarizing,

  1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation
  2. Call attention to people's mistake indirectly
  3. Talk about you own mistakes before criticizing the other person
  4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders
  5. Let the other person save face
  6. Praise even the slightest improvement! In fact lavish praise
  7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to
  8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct
  9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest


Book 1 Review Complete. Now in the next few posts let's see how to implement it in life and what they exactly mean before we jump to the next book.
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Self Study – (4)

Posted by Dinesh Chandar On 9:01 PM 2 comments

Book:
How to win friends and Influence people Author: Dale Carnegie

Subject Area: Communication

Post number: 4

English version:

How to win people to your way of thinking!

Lesson 7: Always make suggestions and guide the other people to your idea indirectly.. No one likes to be sold something or told to do something. "The reason why Rivers and the sea receive the homage of thousands of mountain streams is because they keep low below them. So the Sage, wishing to be above men, puts himself below them . Wishing to be before them, puts himself behind them. Thus, though his place be above men, they don't feel his weight. Though his place be before them, they don't count it as a injury" – Chinese proverb.

Let the others think the idea is theirs.

Lesson 8: Other people may be totally wrong... But they don't think so. Any fool can condemn them. But only a wise person can try to understand them. Try to honestly put yourself in his shoes. The success with dealing with other people is a sympathetic grasp of the other person's view point. Yes, you are interested in your own affairs more. But so is everyone else. Realise that and you have the key to success in relations.

Co operation is achieved when you show that the other person's opinion and ideas are as important as your own. Before asking anyone to do something, Ask yourself, "Why would I want to do it, If I were them?".

Try Honestly to see things from the other person's view point

Lesson 9: Show Sympathy. Realise that if you were in their shoes, with their temperament and attitudes, you would do exactly as them. It is just by luck/God's Grace, you are you and not him/her. The Human species universally craves for sympathy.

Be Sympathetic with the other person's idea's and desires.

Lesson 10: To move the person, always appeal to the nobler motives. For instance, when the famous guy doesn't want his kids picture in the newspaper, He doesn't tell the journalist that he doesn't like it. He tells them, we all care about kids safety. They don't want their kids picture public either. It is not safe for the kids.

Appeal to the nobler motives

Lesson 11: Dramatize a little. If ads can do it and Movies can do it,so can you and me!

Dramatize your ideas

Lesson 12: Generate competition. Not a money generating competition... but in the desire to excel. This desire and achievement in it makes people feel important.

Throw down a challenge

Summarizing, The Ways to win people to think your ways are

  1. The only way to get best of an argument is to avoid it
  2. Show respect for the other person's opinion. Never say "you're wrong".
  3. If you are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically
  4. Begin in a friendly way!
  5. Get the other person saying "yes", "yes" immediately!
  6. Let the other person do a great deal of talking
  7. Let the others think the idea is theirs.
  8. Try Honestly to see things from the other person's view point
  9. Be Sympathetic with the other person's idea's and desires.
  10. Appeal to the nobler motives
  11. Dramatize your ideas
  12. Throw down a challenge


p.s: Please note this is just a short condensed review / my thoughts of the book and is not intended to infringe on any rights or anything like that. For a complete understanding of the subject, I strongly recommend to buy the book yourself or rent it out from a library and read it.
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