Dale Carnegie - How to win friends and influence people -part 5

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How to win people to your way of thinking! (2)

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How to win people to your way of thinking! (1)

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Fundamental techniques

Self study – (3)

Posted by Dinesh Chandar On 9:52 PM

Book:
How to win friends and Influence people Author: Dale Carnegie

Subject Area: Communication

Post number: 3

English version:

How to win people to your way of thinking!

Lesson 1:

A man convinced against his will is still of the same opinion. Argumentation is a lose – lose situation. You win the argument, lose a friend and his good will or lose the argument and lose the friend and his good will. So do you want a academic theatrical victory which is pretty useless or the good will of the other person?

Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love– Buddha. A Misunderstanding is never ended by argument, but by a genuine interest in understanding the other person's view point and reconciliation. Give the opponent time to talk. Donot interrupt. Look for areas where you can admit your mistakes and say so. Anyone who spends time disagreeing with you is actually trying to help you. But you only need to let them.

The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it!

Lesson 2:

If you want to prove anything, don't let the other person even notice it. It has to be subtle. "Men must be taught as if you taught them not.. And things unknown proposed as things forgot". If you really think you are smarter than the other person, make sure you never tell them that! Any disagreement should be answered as, "I may be wrong. I often am. Let us examine the facts together..." or something to that effect.

People associate the concept of everything to "My". My god.. My language My country My beliefs. My version of the truth. So when you are challenging any of it, in essence you are challenging their ego. Shadows cast on these only cause resentments. Most of people's reasoning consists on sticking to facts that seem to support their version of things! Deny yourself the pleasure of contradicting people! Even when what they say is wrong. Instead engage in a constructive dialogue and sincerely try to appreciate their view of the world.

Judge people by their own principles. Not yours!

Show respect for the other person's opinion. Never say "you are wrong"!

Lesson 3:

It takes courage to agree to one's mistakes. It also gives a certain degree of satisfaction by clearing the guilt and doubt, but also mostly provides a chance to rectify it. Any fool can defend his mistakes. But it takes character to admit one's mistakes.

When we are right, Let's try to win people gently and tactfully into understanding us. When we are wrong, Lets admit to our mistakes quickly!

If you are wrong admit it quickly and emphatically

Lesson 4:

There is only one way approach anyone. It is friendly! Gentleness and friendliness are always stronger than force and fury. A drop of honey after all catches more flies than a gallon of water!

Begin in a friendly way!

Lesson 5:

When talking with people, don't begin with things you differ. Instead start with things you agree upon. Get the other person to say 'yes', and 'yes'. Don't set him initially to say 'No' for everything! He who treads softly goes far!

Get the other person saying "yes", "yes" immediately!

Lesson 6:

Always Let the other person talk! Even our friend would much like to talk about their achievements than hear us boasting about ours.

Let the other person do a great deal of talking

(This section to be summarized in the next post)

p.s: Please note this is just a short condensed review / my thoughts of the book and is not intended to infringe on any rights or anything like that. For a complete understanding of the subject, I strongly recommend to buy the book yourself or rent it out from a library and read it.

3 Response to "Self study – (3)"

  1. G3 Said,

    :)))

    //Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love– Buddha.//

    Reminded me of another quote.. darkness cannot drive away darkness only light can do it.. hate cannot drive away hate only love can do it :)

     

  2. G3 Said,

    //If you really think you are smarter than the other person, make sure you never tell them that!//

    :)) Valid point

     

  3. G3 Said,

    //Always Let the other person talk! //

    Idhu namakku konjam kashtam dhaan.. irundhaalum try panni paakuren :D

     

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